The 21 Questions Game for Couples: 189 Questions To Get to Know Each Other

Are 21 questions really enough to get to know someone, or even learn new things about someone you’ve known for years? Surprisingly, yes! The 21 questions game is a simple, fun way to spark conversation and sometimes uncover sides of your partner you hadn’t noticed before. It’s one of the best fun relationship exercises for couples!

It works whether you’re just starting out or have been together for a while, and you can also mix it up with other “getting-to-know-each-other games” like This or That for Couples for extra fun.

In this article, we’ll give you three levels of the game:

• Beginner, perfect for new relationships;
• Intermediate, for couples who want to go a little deeper;
• Hardcore, with deep, thought-provoking questions that might surprise even long-term partners.

What is the 21 Questions Game? 👀

The 21 questions game is a conversational game where partners take turns asking and answering questions. The goal is to learn more about each other in a limited amount of time, so choosing the right questions is the key to this game.

For couples, it can be especially powerful: research shows that more self-disclosure (the act of sharing personal thoughts, feelings, fears) leads to higher relationship quality. The more couples share, the more they’re satisfied with their relationship and can handle conflicts.

Playing couples games like the 21 questions game is a fun and easy way to encourage this kind of meaningful sharing.

How to Play 21 Questions Game 🎲

The 21 questions game has simple rules to follow:

1. Pick the questions

We’ve put together three different sets of 21 questions for each level. You can mix and match them or pick your favorite set depending on your mood.

2. Decide who will ask the first question.

If you feel awkward starting, ask your partner to kick things off and break the ice.

3. Take turns asking one question at a time.

You can take turns or have one person go through their full list of 21 questions first. Just keep in mind that asking all 21 in a row can get a bit tiring, especially on a first date. Find a rhythm that feels natural for both of you.

4. Agree whether to skip questions or not.

Usually, both partners answer the 21 questions, but it’s perfectly okay to skip a question if it feels uncomfortable. Decide together whether you want to stick to this rule or go all in and answer every single question.

5. Answer honestly and openly.

This is the main purpose of the game. The game works best when both partners are engaged and willing to share.

Beginner Level of the 21 Questions Game

This level of the 21 questions game is perfect for the early stages of a relationship when you’re just getting to know each other. The questions cover everything from personal preferences, like favorite movies, to family background and life experiences. They are great convos for first dates or when you’re still getting to know each other.

Set 1

1. What’s your favorite childhood memory?
2. Do you prefer coffee or tea?
3. What’s your dream vacation?
4. Cats or dogs?
5. Morning person or night owl?
6. What’s your favorite hobby?
7. What kind of music do you listen to most?
8. Favorite movie of all time?
9. Do you like cooking or eating out?
10. Sweet or savory snacks?
11. What’s your favorite season?
12. Do you enjoy reading books?
13. Beach or mountains?
14. Who’s your favorite celebrity and why?
15. What’s your most prized possession?
16. Favorite childhood cartoon?
17. Do you like surprises?
18. What’s your favorite holiday?
19. Morning shower or evening shower?
20. What was your favorite subject in school?
21. What’s your dream job?

Set 2

1. What’s a talent you wish you had?
2. Favorite international cuisine?
3. You’re allowed to get any animal as a pet. What would it be?
4. Who’s your favorite family member?
5. Favorite dessert?
6. What’s your favorite color?
7. Do you enjoy board games?
8. Favorite guilty pleasure movie?
9. Favorite karaoke song?
10. What are your Sun, Moon, and Rising signs?
11. What was the most interesting documentary you’ve ever seen?
12. Are you a planner or spontaneous?
13. Do you have any siblings?
14. Favorite childhood toy?
15. Do you like roller coasters?
16. What’s the most random fact you know?
17. What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?
18. How would you describe your style?
19. If you were to write a PhD, what would it be about?
20. Favorite holiday tradition?
21. Favorite album of all time?

Set 3

1. Favorite thing to do on a weekend?
2. If you could sit down for dinner with any person from history, who would it be?
3. Favorite place in your hometown?
4. What super power would you like to have?
5. Favorite kind of movie night: solo or with friends?
6. Favorite childhood game?
7. Do you enjoy camping?
8. Favorite TV series?
9. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
10. What’s a conspiracy theory you believe in?
11. Does your family have unique traditions?
12. Have you ever had a pet?
13. Do you have an unusual talent?
14. Favorite sport to watch/practice?
15. What’s the best purchase you’ve ever made?
16. Favorite memory with your grandparents?
17. Do you enjoy puzzles?
18. Do you have any cousins?
19. Early morning walk or evening stroll?
20. Favorite thing to do alone?
21. In what fictional world would you live in?

Intermediate Level of the 21 Questions Game

The following questions go deeper and are great for established couples. A daily-diary study of 99 couples revealed that couples felt more satisfied with their relationship on days they shared more and noticed their partner paying attention. This level of the 21 questions game helps create that dynamic.

Set 1

1. What’s the biggest mistake of your life?
2. How do you handle stress?
3. What’s something that always makes you laugh?
4. Who has been your biggest influence in life?
5. What’s a skill you wish you could master?
6. How do you define success?
7. How do you define failure?
8. What’s your favorite memory of us together?
9. What’s a dream you’ve never shared with anyone?
10. You can time travel to any point in your lifetime. What would you change?
11. What scares you the most?
12. How do you feel about change?
13. What’s something that brings you peace?
14. Is there anything about your appearance you’d change if you could?
15. How do you show love to others?
16. What’s your biggest inspiration?
17. How do you deal with conflict?
18. What’s a meaningful compliment you’ve received?
19. How do you recharge after a stressful period?
20. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
21. What does happiness look like to you?

Set 2

1. How do you handle disappointment?
2. What’s a lesson you’ve learned from a past relationship?
3. How do you express gratitude?
4. What’s an experience that changed your perspective on today’s world?
5. How do you make difficult decisions?
6. What are your core values?
7. How do you deal with jealousy?
8. Are you satisfied with your career choices?
9. How do you like to be supported during tough times?
10. What makes you feel loved?
11. How do you handle criticism?
12. What was your impression of me when we first met?
13. How do you practice self-care?
14. What’s a risk you’ve taken that paid off?
15. Were you ever betrayed by someone close to you?
16. What’s on your bucket list that you’ve already accomplished?
17. How do you balance work and life?
18. What’s a boundary that’s important to you?
19. How do you view your relationship with your parents right now?
20. What’s one thing you learned in high school that wasn’t about schoolwork?
21. What movie title best sums up your life right now?

Set 3

1. What role does forgiveness play in your life?
2. How do you handle disagreements in a relationship?
3. What’s a dream you’ve had since childhood?
4. What’s an activity you really don’t like to do?
5. What’s the last thing you Googled and why?
6. If you had the chance to teach at a university, which subject would you pick?
7. What’s the #1 quality a partner should have?
8. You just got a $1 million inheritance. What do you do with the money?
9. You get three wishes from a genie. What would you wish for?
10. What’s a meaningful tradition for you?
11. How do you handle financial stress?
12. What does commitment mean to you?
13. How do you maintain friendships?
14. What’s something you wish you did more often?
15. How do you show empathy?
16. What’s a turning point in your life?
17. How do you nurture your passions?
18. How do you celebrate milestones?
19. What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from your family or specific family member?
20. What’s a question you wish people asked you more?
21. What’s a question you wished people asked you less?

Relationship App

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Hardcore Level of the 21 Questions Game

These questions are for deep conversations and thought provoking questions to ask, even for long-term couples.

Set 1

1. What’s a fear you’ve never shared?
2. How do you handle existential thoughts?
3. What do you regret most, and why?
4. How do you define purpose in life?
5. What’s a belief you’ve challenged recently?
6. How do you approach mortality?
7. What’s a truth about yourself you avoid admitting?
8. How do you cope with loneliness?
9. What legacy do you want to leave?
10. How do you process heartbreak?
11. What does vulnerability mean to you?
12. How do you confront self-doubt?
13. What’s a value you’d never compromise?
14. How do you reconcile past mistakes?
15. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve learned?
16. How do you handle disappointment in others?
17. What defines your identity?
18. How do you approach forgiveness?
19. What’s an unfulfilled dream?
20. What question would you ask your future self?
21. What would you tell your past self if you could?

Set 2

1. How do you handle deep sadness?
2. What’s your biggest insecurity?
3. Has a celebrity or public figure ever disappointed you? Why?
4. What’s one thing that makes you proud of your country?
5. What does freedom mean to you?
6. What are your thoughts on having children?
7. If you plan to have children, what values would you want to teach them?
8. How do you feel about aging?
9. What’s one social cause you’ll always stand up for?
10. If you could speak to your parents before they had you, what would you say?
11. What’s the worst advice you’ve received?
12. How do you deal with anxiety?
13. How do you define intimacy?
14. What’s a secret desire you’ve never shared?
15. What’s a moral dilemma you’ve struggled with?
16. Which philosophy or way of thinking do you believe in the most?
17. How do you define spiritual connection?
18. What’s a fear you’ve learned to accept?
19. How do you measure true happiness?
20. Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?
21. What questions would you ask at the end of life?

Set 3

1. How do you know when you’re truly at peace?
2. What does love mean to you beyond romance?
3. When was the last time you felt completely understood?
4. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
5. How do you decide what’s worth your time and energy?
6. What’s a dream you’ve quietly given up on and why?
7. How do you know when you’re growing as a person?
8. What’s a habit you’ve had to unlearn, and how did it change you?
9. When do you feel the most vulnerable?
10. What’s something you’ve done that scared you but taught you a lot?
11. When have you felt the most connected to someone else?
12. What’s a question you’ve never asked anyone but wish you could?
13. How do you decide who to trust?
14. What’s something beautiful you’ve experienced that left no words to describe it?
15. What’s a belief you hold that most people would disagree with?
16. What do you think people appreciate the most about you?
17. When have you felt most proud of yourself?
18. What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to forgive in a past relationship?
19. How do you show love when it’s hard for you to express emotions?
20. How do you balance independence and closeness in a relationship?
21. How do you rebuild trust once it’s been broken?

Games Like 21 Questions

If you loved playing the 21 questions game, there are plenty of other ways to spark conversation and fun. Check out these options:

• Would You Rather for Couples
• Never Have I Ever for Couples

You can find these games on the Couple Joy app, which is perfect for all couples. The app features over 3,000 questions designed specifically for couples to get to know each other, have fun, and keep their relationship strong.

And here’s one last question to keep the conversation going: “What’s one thing you learned about your partner while playing the 21 questions game or using the Couple Joy app?”

Photos: Freepik