Random, Sexy, and Irresistible Turn Ons for Women and Men
In a previous article, we’ve talked about non-sexual turn ons and turn offs, but now it’s time to dive into the spicier topic: turn ons – for both women and men.
What really makes people tick in bed? It can be something as simple as a touch or a specific smell, or something much more complex like behavior patterns or signs of love.
We’ve compiled this list from Reddit posts, online confessions, or simple personal experiences. Some are random (we do tend to get horny over the smallest things), others are classic, and some are surprisingly backed by research.
Disclaimer: Everyone is different, and not all of these sexual turn ons will apply to everyone. That’s why you might notice conflicting examples in our list. What turns one person on may leave another completely indifferent.
No inhibitions, no shame—here are the biggest turn on examples that people actually enjoy.
Turn Ons for Women
Women are known to value intimacy and emotional connection more than men when it comes to sexual arousal. For example, a study published in MindBodyGreen found that women's sexual desire is closely linked to emotional intimacy, the ability to appreciate their partner's individuality (or “celebrated otherness”), and feeling desired.
But this doesn’t mean that their turn ons are purely emotional. Looks, gestures of love, and the way they’re seen through their partner’s eyes all play a huge role in sparking their sexual appetite.
1. Hands and Arms
There’s something incredibly sexy about strong hands and forearms. Watch any TikTok trend where women rank men’s body parts, and arms and hands often take the #1 spot. This fascination might be purely aesthetic or a subtle nudge at strength and masculinity.
2. Beards
Photo: Freepik
A beard can completely transform a man’s look. One day he’s a young adult, the next he’s a 30-year-old, plaid-wearing lumberjack. Plus, the texture of facial hair feels incredibly sensual against a woman’s skin.
3. Deep Voice
That low tone–a huge turn on without a single touch–can send shivers down a woman’s spine. It’s no wonder some publishers now hire narrators with deep voices for erotic audiobooks.
4. Uniforms
Whether we’re talking about firefighters, pilots, or police officers, uniforms inspire power, authority, and the feeling of having your life together. These are major turn ons for most women.
5. Button-Down Shirts with Rolled-Up Sleeves
Photo: Freepik
Button-down shirts are usually associated with business, but roll up the sleeves and it’s suddenly casual and ready for action. Confidence at its finest!
6. Grey Sweatpants
They’re comfortable and low-effort, yet somehow manage to showcase just enough. Grey sweatpants also suggest the person’s relaxed and comfortable around their partner, which is secretly a major turn on. It’s psychology too!
7. Black T-Shirt
A black T-shirt is the universal cheat code for looking attractive without effort. It works with almost anything and hugs the body in all the right ways.
8. Eye Contact
We all know the saying: “eyes are the windows of the soul.” Eye contact is intimate, a silent message that can say more than words and a psychological turn on that rarely fails.
Research even shows that eye contact creates a kind of two-way connection between people, as our brains send and receive gaze signals at the same time.
9. Being Present
For many women, being seen and listened to means much more than anything physical. It shows that they feel equal in the relationship and the bond between them and their partner is much more than just physical connection, one of the best turn ons for them.
So put the phone down, look at her, and listen.
10. Getting to Know Her Deeply
Adding to the point above, it’s not enough to just listen but also get to know her on a deeper level. What she likes and doesn’t like about the world, what her inspirations and aspirations in life are, what love and intimacy mean to her, and much more.
There are so many questions to get to know each other better out there, it’s a pity not to explore each other’s personalities and quirks!
11. Respecting Boundaries
Knowing when to stop and respect boundaries, whether they’re sexual or non-sexual, means trust. And trust is sexy. It’s also a sign of real maturity, which many women find attractive.
12. Sense of Humor
If you can make her laugh, you’re halfway there, that’s what they say. And it’s true, humor ranks high among the things that turn women on. In fact, many women find humor in a man much more attractive than physical attributes.
13. Driving with One Hand on the Wheel
Photo: Freepik
This one’s a winning move on a first date, but it works even after years in a relationship. Driving in general is one of the biggest turn ons for women, and one hand on the wheel is a simple yet confident move that shows the person is in control of the situation—and knows they look good doing it.
14. Foreplay
The teasing and anticipation make foreplay, for some women, even better than sex itself. This is the time to show her that you know what she likes and what turns her on: whispers, caresses, dirty talk, and the list goes on.
15. Sexting
What’s hotter than talking about your fantasies through flirty, cheeky messages? Imagination runs wild during sexting, which keeps desire alive even when you’re apart.
16. Surprising PDA
An unexpected kiss in public or a hand on the waist can send a thrilling signal of “you’re mine,” in the hottest way possible. Women love to be cherished, and small gestures like these are great examples of silent, yet powerful turn ons.
17. Taking (or Sharing) Control in Bed
Some days she wants her partner to take the lead; other days she wants to call the shots. This, often called interchangeable dominance or switching roles, is a huge turn on, keeping intimacy playful and surprising.
18. Romantic Surprises
Women love both giving and receiving surprises. A date, sweet text, and thoughtful gift are huge emotional and sexual turn ons for women simply because they show care and affection.
You can take this a step further with the Couple Joy app: send surprising messages through the app’s status feature directly to her lock screen. She can add a widget to see your cheeky or romantic notes anytime, making every day a little more exciting.
19. Spontaneous Compliments
Compliments can brighten anyone’s day and be a major turn on if done right. Women especially appreciate being complimented on something beyond their looks, which they hear about all the time. How often, for example, do they hear praise for their brilliant ideas or charming laugh?
20. Tattoos
Photo: Freepik
The world has moved on from the idea that tattoos are only for “bad boys.” Each art on skin tells a story, and discovering that story can be just as exciting as admiring the tattoo itself. Sure, some women might still be drawn to the “bad boy” vibe, but there’s no denying that tattoos are a major turn on for many.
21. Kissing Her Neck
Neck kisses are universally lethal for women and a guarantee for weak knees and goosebumps. The neck is a well-known erogenous zone for both men and women, but for women, it seems to hold even greater power.
22. Watching Porn
Yes, despite common belief, women watch porn too. A 2019 study found that men and women’s brains respond similarly to sexually arousing imagery. Turns out, desire isn’t so gendered after all.
23. Being Passionate About Something
Passion instigates passion. Seeing someone that is really into something, (music, cooking, reading, painting, etc.), is an underrated turn on. Bonus points if both partners share the same hobby!
Turn Ons for Men
Men are often visually stimulated, and research shows that features like body shape and facial symmetry are major sexual cues.
But despite common belief, as you’ll see from this list, turn ons for men go far beyond just looks. They also imply emotional connection, spontaneity, and knowing that their partner values them and their bond.
1. Feeling Desired
A study published in Psychology Today found that men are significantly turned on by feeling desired, with about 73% reporting that it’s critical to their libido. The truth is, the need to feel admired and wanted isn’t just a “woman thing.” After all, we’re all humans, and humans crave connection.
2. Confidence in Your Own Pleasure/Body
Confidence is contagious. When you show that you know what you like and are comfortable in your own body, it’s a huge turn on. Men love partners who embrace their sexuality unapologetically.
3. Surprise Him
Small surprises can make a big impact and come in various forms. With the Couple Joy app, you can send 24-hour stories that only he has access to—anything cheeky, romantic, or silly. Keep him guessing, grinning, and maybe make him blush a little.
4. Wear Red
Photo: Freepik
Red has always been one of the most well-known turn ons for men. Since ancient times, it’s been a symbol of passion, attraction, and love.
Whether it’s a dress, lipstick, shoes, or hair, red is a detail most men simply can’t ignore.
5. Vanilla Scent
Vanilla, the comforting scent of childhood nostalgia and sweetness, has been a favorite among men for centuries.
Once used as an aphrodisiac in ancient times, it remains one of the most popular ingredients in women’s perfumes today for its warm aroma.
6. Being Complimented
Men are rarely complimented, mostly due to societal norms, so when they do receive praise from their partner, it instantly makes them feel wanted and loved.
7. High Heels
Photo: Freepik
High heels elongate the legs and accentuate the posture, which in turn signals confidence. Combined with the right outfit, they’re an instant visual and psychological turn on.
8. Pantyhose
Similar to high heels, pantyhose (or leggings, stockings, etc.) fit the legs perfectly and give them a sleek appearance.
Many men also associate pantyhose with elegance and professionalism, since they’re often worn with business or formal attire.
9. Lingerie
There’s a reason an entire industry exists around lingerie. We could have included this in the turn ons list for women too, since it’s a universal sex symbol. Just a touch of lace, silk, or satin is often enough to ignite the imagination.
10. Soft Voice or Slower Speech Tone
There’s something about a gentle voice that feels intimate, drawing attention without needing to try. It slows things down, whether we’re talking about sex or everyday activities, and sets the tone for a peaceful, intimate exchange.
11. Playing With Hair
Running your fingers through his hair or giving a playful tug can feel unexpectedly intimate and flirty. It’s a small gesture, but men often find it deeply sensual, especially when combined with eye contact or a teasing smile.
12. Let Him Be Vulnerable
Allowing him to open up emotionally creates intimacy and trust, which is extremely sexy. Try some questions to ask him to help him open up to spark deeper conversations that turn him on mentally as well as physically.
13. Feeling in Control
Men enjoy feeling needed. Letting him take charge in small ways such as changing a lightbulb or opening the car door for you makes him feel as “the man of the house,” which is a major turn on for some.
14. Sitting on His Lap
A trick used since adolescence to grab attention, sitting in a man’s lap shows that you’re comfortable enough to engage in physical contact. In a relationship, where that bond is already established, it shows familiarity and comfort.
15. Whispering in His Ear
You’ve probably noticed that ASMR videos have taken over the internet in the last decade. That’s because whispering has long been one of the most effective turn ons, especially for men.
It tickles the senses and sends shivers down the spine, a simple gesture that’s both intimate and arousing.
16. Playful Banter
Men are naturally playful and love to keep things fun, even after years in a relationship. Banter that borders on cheeky flirting is just as sexy and exciting, reminding them of the thrill of the chase.
17. Roleplaying
Roleplaying lets couples step into their fantasies and add a little extra spice to their sex life. For a few minutes, they can slip into someone else’s world and forget about their own, which is a major turn on for
Some of the most common roleplay fantasies include:
- Doctors and nurses
- Boss and employee
- Famous TV/movie characters
- Celebrities
- Massage therapy and client
18. Striptease
Here, we’re talking about the ultimate turn on! It’s not just about taking clothes off to sensual music, but about having the confidence to do it for your partner and letting him watch you love your own body.
Not everyone has the courage to pull this off, which makes it all the more exciting.
19. Physical Closeness
Photo: Freepik
Touching, cuddling, or casual hand-holding outside the bedroom are subtle cues for intimacy and physical closeness, which men love, even if they don’t admit it. being turned on isn’t always about the grand gestures like #18 on our list!
20. Creating Anticipation
Creating anticipation is all about keeping him on his toes. A teasing text, a lingering touch, or a hint about what’s coming later can make him imagine and crave what’s next. The suspense itself becomes its own turn on, making the eventual payoff even hotter.
21. Sounds During Sex
Some like it silent, while others prefer a little noise. For those who enjoy it, the psychology is simple: the moans or gasps tell him that he’s doing well. And it goes both ways—women are just as turned on by the sounds their partners make.
22. Sundresses
Photo: Freepik
This is a random one, but just like grey sweatpants for women, sundresses seem to make waves for men when spring and summer roll around. They might be a turn on because they’re flowy and effortless, yet still hug the body in all the right places.
23. Expresses Enthusiasm About Being Intimate/Sex
Men notice when their partner is excited to be intimate with them. We’re not talking about momentary excitement, but an overall feeling. They can sense when their partner is not interested in them for the long run, which can become a major turn off, as there’s no emotional connection to build upon.
Afraid or Ashamed to Talk About Your Turn Ons?
Is it enough to know what turns us on, or should we also share it with our partners? And what happens when we feel too afraid or ashamed to bring it up?
First of all, we really shouldn’t be. Research shows that sexual communication is key for relationship satisfaction and is positively linked to desire, arousal, orgasm, and overall sexual function.
Second, talking about turn ons (like any sexual topic) doesn’t have to be intimidating. Couples games and apps that introduce these questions gradually make the conversation much easier.
It’s far simpler to explore turn ons through a playful game of This or That or Never Have I Ever than to sit down and ask, “So… what turns you on?”
Explore your partner’s fantasies, share your own, and unlock new turn ons together with the Couple Joy app—because intimacy should always be fun!
