The Best Sex Questions to Ask Your Partner

Sex questions can feel awkward at first, but they’re one of the easiest ways to get closer and understand what turns you on or off, and most importantly, what feels right for both of you when it comes to your sexual preferences.

And research backs this up. Studies show that better sexual communication improves desire, arousal, orgasm response, and overall sexual satisfaction. Additionally, another study found that couples who talk openly about sex feel more satisfied in their relationship and sex life, while how often they have sex matters less.

This means that talking about sex matters more than just doing it. And what a better way to do this than asking each other the right questions?

How to Ask Sex Questions Without Being Awkward

Just like any other deep topic, sex questions can feel intimidating if you’re not sure how to start. Timing, tone, and the right approach are key.

1. Find the Right Time and Place

Avoid having these conversations after fights or when your partner is distracted. Pick moments when you’re relaxed and open.

Don’t be too pushy if they’re not in the mood to talk, and pay attention to their values and beliefs. Sex means different things to different people, so respect their comfort level and move at a pace that feels safe for both of you.

2. Find the Right Format

Funny formats make questions feel less heavy. Games like This or That or Never Have I Ever help you explore the topic without pressure and make the experience feel enjoyable instead of like homework.

3. Find the Right Source

Sometimes it’s easier when someone else provides the questions, like apps for couples. The Couple Joy app, for example, offers over 3,000 questions for couples that cover everything from sexual desires to personal preferences, future plans, and even how to navigate conflict, so couples can connect in all areas of their relationship.

Strengthen your bond with Couple Joy

Answer couple questions, create your couple journal and have fun with widgets - all in a single app.

Sex Questions for Beginners

Every couple experiences first times with sex, no matter their age. Feeling nervous is normal, whether you’re just starting out, waiting until marriage, or exploring your sexual connection.

These questions help open conversations about safety, comfort, expectations, and handling any disappointments.

Sex Questions to Ask Before Having Sex for the First Time

1. Do you feel comfortable having sex at this stage of our relationship?
2. Are you nervous about anything? If yes, why and what can I do to ease that anxiety?
3. How important is having an orgasm for you?
4. What actions can I do to help you reach orgasm (oral sex, vaginal stimulation, breast stimulation, etc.)?
5. How important is foreplay to you? What do you usually like to do during foreplay?
6. How do you feel about contraception and safe sex? What are the options we can use?
7. How was sex for you until now?
8. Is there anything that you don’t enjoy doing during sex?
9. During sex, how can we let the other know that something’s not right and we should stop?
10. Is there anything you’d like us to do after sex to make the experience more pleasant?

Sexy Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend

1. What makes sex with me different from others?
2. Which sex position feels the most comfortable for you?
3. How do you like me to initiate sex?
4. What’s the best part about our sex life?
5. Do you feel sexy? What can I do to make you feel confident in your body?
6. What’s the sexiest thing I’ve done for you?
7. What’s your favorite way to create an intimate atmosphere before or during sex?
8. Can you guess my favorite part of your body?
9. How do you like being kissed?
10. What do you want me to do differently in bed?

Sexy Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

1. What makes sex with me different from others?
2. What makes you feel desired?
3. What’s your favorite position?
4. Do you like when I take control during sex?
5. What helps you last longer?
6. What do you want more of sexually?
7. How would you describe good sex?
8. Do you find lingerie sexy, or does it get in the way?
9. Is there something new you’d like us to try together in bed?
10. Who do you like to make the first move during sex: you or me?

Related: More questions to ask your boyfriend to help him open up

Sex Questions to Ask Before Marriage

1. How do you feel about talking about sex in general?
2. How did you learn about sex? What were you taught about it?
3. What are you most excited about in our married sex life?
4. What concerns you about our married sex life?
5. Would you like to be the one to initiate sex?
6. How important is sex to you for our marriage to work?
7. How do you think our sex life will change once we’ll have children?
8. How would we approach sex if it doesn’t meet our expectations?
9. How often do you think we’ll have sex once we’re married?
10. How will we keep things exciting if our sex life ever gets boring?

Sex Questions about Desires, Boundaries, and Fantasies

We all have our fantasies when it comes to sex, and of course, our limitations.

These questions help you talk openly about what turns you on, what’s off-limits, and the playful or kinky things you might want to try together.

Turn Ons

1. What are your turn ons?
2. What’s the sexiest thing I can wear to turn you on?
3. How do you feel about dirty talk?
4. What’s your most erogenous (sensitive to touch) zone (e.g. neck, breasts, hips, behind the ears)?
5. Does eye contact during sex turn you on?
6. What part of my body turns you on the most?
7. How do you feel about dominance? Do you like to be the dominant or the submissive?
8. Have you ever had a sex dream about me?
9. Do you watch porn? What kind?
10. What do you find very sexy but it’s not necessarily sexual?

Boundaries and Turn Offs

1. What are your biggest turn offs?
2. How do you feel about body hair?
3. How important is hygiene for you during sex?
4. How do you feel about using degrading words during sex?
5. What safe words can we use?
6. What are your boundaries when it comes to activities during sex (e.g. no anal sex, no oral sex, etc.)
7. How do we tell each other that we’re not in the mood for sex?
8. Do you feel comfortable sending nudes?
9. Do you like giving or receiving hickeys?
10. Would you like to use lubricants?

Kinky Questions

1. Would you ever want to recreate a porn video?
2. How do you feel about roleplay? What characters would you like us to impersonate?
3. What type of kinky lingerie do you want me to wear?
4. Would you try other sex toys other than vibrators?
5. Do you like having romantic sex or hardcore sex?
6. Do you like to be choked?
7. How do you feel about being slapped during sex? Or slapping me?
8. How do you feel about spitting in your mouth during sex? Sexy or gross?
9. Would you ever want us to try sex in public? Where?
10. What kink would you want to try together?

Funny and Silly Sex Questions

Sex doesn’t always have to be serious—sometimes the best way to connect is by being a little silly.

These questions are perfect for a few laughs and for discovering things about your partner you’ve never heard before.

Never Have I Ever Sex Questions

1. Never have I ever had multiple orgasms.
2. Never have I ever faked an orgasm.
3. Never have I ever had sex in public.
4. Never have I ever had a threesome.
5. Never have I ever had sex with a celebrity.
6. Never have I ever slept with someone I wasn’t physically attracted to.
7. Never have I ever been caught having sex.
8. Never have I ever called someone the wrong name during sex.
9. Never have I ever had sex with someone else in the same room.
10. Never have I ever done a striptease.

Would You Rather Sex Questions

1. Would you rather give or receive oral sex?
2. Would you rather have a quickie or longer sex sessions?
3. Would you rather be silent during sex or loud?
4. Would you rather have sex everyday of your life or just once per month for the remainder of your life?
5. Would you rather try something new every time you have sex or do the same thing all the time?
6. Would you rather have a one-night stand or a friends with benefits relationship?
7. Would you rather never orgasm again or never be in love again?
8. Would you rather have sex with someone you hate but the sex is amazing, or have sex with someone you love but the sex is terrible?
9. Would you rather have mind-blowing sex with someone you can’t stand, or mediocre sex with someone you love?
10. Would you rather be tied up or have a blindfold on?

Related: Fun “Would You Rather” questions for couples

Who’s Most Likely To Sex Questions

1. Who’s most likely to send the other some spicy texts while at work?
2. Who’s most likely to touch themselves while reading erotica?
3. Who’s most likely to be addicted to porn?
4. Who’s most likely to not have sex because they’re too tired?
5. Who’s most likely to go to a nude beach?
6. Who’s most likely to masturbate the most?
7. Who’s most likely to become a sex addict?
8. Who’s most likely to have a sex toys collection?
9. Who’s most likely to fall asleep during sex?
10. Who is most likely to have the most number of orgasms?

Wrapping up

Sex questions are fun, no doubt, but they also help you understand each other and keep your relationship exciting. With the Couple Joy app, you can explore thousands of questions together, (including spicy ones!) and discover new ways to connect!