165 Reflective Questions for Couples to Plan Ahead in the New Year

The New Year is the perfect time to pause and reflect on your relationship, both on what happened and where you’re going next. You can even turn it into a New Year’s Eve tradition to spark deep conversations. And what better way to do it than asking each other some reflective questions?

What Are Reflective Questions and Why Are They Important?

A reflective question is a question that makes you look at your experiences and thoughts in the past more deeply. They encourage people to think about their experiences, share their perspective, and explain the “why” behind their answers—whether that answer starts with a yes, a no, or something more.

According to the Institute for Strategic Health (ISH), reviewing the past year helps people learn from experiences, acknowledge achievements, and identify areas for improvement before setting goals for the future (source).

In other words, reflection doesn't only mean looking back but also setting the right intentions for what comes next. And when you do that together, as a couple, it strengthens your relationship in a very real way.

How to Use These Reflective Questions as a Couple

If you want a deeper, more immersive experience of reflecting about your year, you can use the 5 Rs Framework of Reflection, as explained by the University of Edinburgh.

This framework breaks reflection into five clear stages:

• Reporting – What happened?
• Responding – How did you feel and react?
• Relating – How does this connect to what you already know?
• Reasoning – Why did it happen this way?
• Reconstructing – What will you do differently next time?

However, if this sounds too complicated, here’s a simpler (and still very effective) approach:

• Choose a moment before the New Year or during the first days of January (or anytime, honestly. You can use these reflective questions when you feel like it!)
• Set aside 1–2 hours so you’re not rushing
• Write down your answers (bullet points are more than enough)
• Answer as many reflective questions as you want and skip anything that doesn’t feel right
• Use your answers to set goals and intentions for the new year

Tip: If you want to make this easier and more engaging, an app for couples like Couple Joy can help. The app includes a shared journal and over 3,000 questions for couples, from fun formats like Never Have I Ever, This or That, and Would You Rather, to deeper conversations.

There’s even a Deep Talks section designed to help couples talk about serious topics like money, managing a home, or building a family, without it feeling awkward.

Relationship App

Play games, answer couple questions, create your couple journal and have fun with widgets - all in a single app.

Examples of Reflective Questions for Couples

Below are 165 reflective questions, organized into 11 categories. The key to a meaningful reflection exercise is answering as honestly as possible and adding context to your answers. Even when a question can be answered with yes or no, take a moment to explain why.

1. Relationship Achievements

These reflective questions focus on the wins—big and small. They help you notice progress, teamwork, and the moments where your relationship truly showed up for you.

1. What was our biggest accomplishment as a couple this year?
2. How would you rate this year, from 1 to 10?
3. How did we support each other when things got tough?
4. What new habit strengthened our relationship?
5. Which challenge did we overcome together that made us closer?
6. What’s one thing you’re grateful we did for each other this year?
7. How did we celebrate our wins together this year?
8. How has our relationship changed over the past year?
9. What was our most successful moment when we worked as a team?
10. How would you describe this year in one word?
11. What’s one thing you feel we improved on as a couple?
12. What small gestures had the biggest impact on your happiness?
13. Which decision we made together brought the most joy?
14. What are you most proud of in our relationship?
15. What did you discover about me this year?

2. Relationship Challenges

These questions explore the harder parts of the year: the tensions, the conflicts, and miscommunication, all essential to understand for growth.

1. What was the most difficult moment for us as a couple this year?
2. Where did we misunderstand each other most often?
3. Which goals did we not complete as a couple this year?
4. What habit often causes tension in our relationship?
5. Which disagreements taught us the most?
6. Was there a time you felt unsupported, and how could we improve?
7. What challenge felt hardest to overcome together?
8. Was there a moment you wished I’d handled differently?
9. Which expectations weren’t met this year?
10. How did stress affect our relationship?
11. Did we communicate as openly as we could?
12. Were there moments when we took each other for granted?
13. What’s one thing that caused frustration but we didn’t address?
14. What do you think was the biggest contributing factor to our conflicts this year?
15. What did we learn from the challenges we faced?

3. Special and Favorite Moments

This section is about joy, laughter, and memories, what made this year stand out from the others.

1. What’s your favorite memory of us this year?
2. Which date made you happiest?
3. Was there a moment that made you laugh uncontrollably?
4. What’s the most romantic thing we did this year?
5. Which shared experience surprised you in a positive way?
6. What was the most spontaneous moment we had together?
7. Can you name a specific day that was very important for our relationship from this year?
8. What’s one memory you’ll never forget from this year?
9. What was your favorite season of the year?
10. Was there a tradition we started this year?
11. What was the most thoughtful gift we gave each other?
12. What was your favorite month together?
13. What’s the moment that felt like “us” at our best?
14. Did we try something new together that you loved?
15. Which shared experience are you most grateful for?

4. Things We Planned But Didn’t Happen

These reflective questions help you look at missed plans without regret and decide what still matters.

1. Which plans didn’t we get to do this year?
2. Was there a trip we wanted but couldn’t take?
3. Which event did we miss out on and why?
4. Did we postpone any meaningful experiences for the next year?
5. Was there a date we wanted but never scheduled?
6. What’s one thing you wished we’d made more time for?
7. Was there something you really wanted to buy but didn’t?
8. Were there any risks you were too afraid to take this 9. year that you now regret?
9. Did social media or online trends affect our decisions about trying new things?
10. Which spontaneous idea didn’t come to life?
11. Did we put off having any important conversations?
12. Was there a creative project or side hustle idea we didn’t pursue?
13. What activity did we constantly put off because we were too busy?
14. Which experience felt exciting at first but was actually a total letdown?
15. What’s your biggest regret this year?

5. Milestones

This category focuses on relationship milestones, those moments that changed or shaped your relationship.

1. Which milestones did we reach together this year?
2. Did we make any major commitments this year?
3. What was the biggest change in our relationship?
4. Did we celebrate a special anniversary?
5. Did we meet any important people in each other’s lives?
6. Did we make a big purchase or investment together?
7. Which goals did we achieve as a couple?
8. Did we move, redecorate, or improve our home together?
9. Did we overcome a major challenge?
10. Did we achieve a financial milestone together?
11. Did we take a big step in family planning?
12. Did we support each other in a career milestone?
13. Did we make new friends or strengthen existing bonds?
14. Which milestone made you feel proud of us?
15. What is the milestone you were looking forward to at the beginning of the year but didn’t happen?

6. Intimacy and Sex

These reflective questions open the door to honest conversations about desire and connection.

1. Which moment made you feel closest to me this year?
2. Was there a time when intimacy felt especially meaningful?
3. Did we try anything new in our sex life?
4. How satisfied are you with our physical connection this year?
5. What turned you on the most this year?
6. Did we communicate openly about our sexual needs?
7. Was there a time we could’ve been more affectionate?
8. Which experience made you feel most loved?
9. Did we maintain intimacy even during stressful times?
10. Which small gestures improved our sex life?
11. Did we prioritize intimacy enough this year?
12. How would you describe our sex life this year in one word?
13. How can we improve our physical connection next year?
14. Which moments of closeness were your favorite?
15. Did we feel adventurous enough in our intimacy?

7. Career and School

This section focuses on growth outside the relationship, and how you supported each other through it.

1. How did your career or school goals progress this year?
2. Did you achieve a milestone at work or in your studies?
3. What was your proudest professional or academic moment?
4. Did work or school create any challenges for us?
5. How did we support each other’s career goals?
6. Did you take any risks or try something new professionally?
7. What was your biggest learning this year?
8. Did you feel satisfied with your achievements?
9. Was there a missed opportunity you wish you had taken in your career this year?
10. How did we celebrate each other’s career wins?
11. Did work-life balance impact our relationship?
12. Which project or task was most rewarding?
13. Did you improve any skill?
14. Which professional challenge taught you the most?
15. What’s your biggest career or school goal for next year?

8. Family and Friends

These reflective questions help you check in on your social world as a couple.

1. Did we spend enough time with family?
2. Did we strengthen any friendships this year?
3. Which family moment was most memorable?
4. Did we meet new people together?
5. Was there a conflict with family or friends that impacted us?
6. Which social gathering did you enjoy most?
7. Did we support each other in friendships?
8. How often did we stay connected with loved ones?
9. Which family tradition did we enjoy the most?
10. Did we host or attend any meaningful events with family or friends?
11. Which friendship moments brought joy?
12. Were there moments we wished we spent more time with loved ones?
13. How did our relationship with family improve this year?
14. Which friends or family members made a positive impact?
15. What’s one thing to prioritize in our social life next year?

9. Traveling

Travel has a way of showing new sides of each other, and these questions help you reflect on that.

1. Which trip was your favorite this year?
2. Did we explore anywhere new together?
3. Which place surprised you the most?
4. Did we experience a travel issue and laugh about it?
5. Was there a dream destination we didn’t get to visit?
6. Which day trip stood out?
7. Did we learn something new about each other while traveling?
8. Did any trip bring us closer?
9. Which moment felt most adventurous?
10. What was your favorite food from our trips?
11. Which travel experience would you repeat in a heartbeat?
12. Did we travel enough this year?
13. Which travel moment felt most relaxing?
14. Rank every destination we’ve been to this year.
15. Where do you want us to travel next year?

10. Hobbies

This section focuses on curiosity and how you spent your free time.

1. Which hobby did you enjoy most this year?
2. What was the best book you read this year?
3. Who was your favorite artist this year?
4. What was your favorite concert or musical event this year?
5. What was your most played song this year?
6. Did we spend enough time on personal hobbies?
7. Did you finish any creative project this year?
8. Did we discover a shared interest this year?
9. Which hobby brought the most relaxation?
10. Was there a hobby you wished we had more time for?
11. What was your favorite movie you watched this year?
12. Which TV series did we enjoy most together?
13. Did we have a favorite couples game?
14. What inspired you this year?
15. What crazy activity do you want to try next year?

11. Looking Ahead: Goals for the New Year

This final category shifts the focus forward, from reflection to intention.

1. What is your biggest personal goal for next year?
2. Which relationship goal should we prioritize together?
3. What new habit would you like us to adopt?
4. Write a list of trips you like to go to next year.
5. What skills do you want to improve?
6. Which milestone do you hope we achieve together?
7. How can we improve communication next year?
8. What can we do to maintain intimacy?
9. Are there any traditions we want to start next year?
10. Which challenge should we tackle together next year?
11. How can we spend more time together?
12. What personal growth do you want to focus on?
13. How can we support each other better professionally or academically?
14. What word should describe next year for us?
15. What’s the one thing you want next year to be different from this year?

Conclusion: Turn Reflective Questions Into a Relationship Ritual

Using reflective questions as a couple isn’t about having perfect answers, but about listening, being honest, and choosing to grow together. If you want extra support and structure, Couple Joy makes it easy to turn reflection into a habit you actually enjoy. Start the new year with intention, one question at a time!